


Atonement

by yuuki_Illene



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-20 06:09:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4776524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuki_Illene/pseuds/yuuki_Illene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are nightmares that Luffy can never escape from or forget. Such was his atonement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Atonement

His eyes sprung open as he sat up, his entire body soaked in cold sweat.

He could only grip onto his blanket and attempt to steady his erratic heartbeat, his spit impossible to swallow as he tried to choke back the sobs that wanted to rise once again.

 _Fear_.

Luffy was accustomed to it, and ever since he had returned to the side of his nakama, his nightmares had returned at full force.

Perhaps it was his atonement, to be forever reminded of his disability and foolhardiness that cost him, a reminder to tell him that he had to keep improving because it was horrible to be at the mercy of others. How horrible was it to have to run when the one he treasured needed him the most.

The scar on his chest felt like it _burned_ as the images he had tried to bury got clearer, making him abandon the stifling warmth of the blanket as he threw it on the floor. His hands pressed onto the cicatrix of the old wound, feeling that tight, ragged skin that looked redder than his tanned complexion. He clenched his eyes shut tightly as he tried to breathe evenly, ignoring the tears that were streaming down his cheeks.

Every movement of that event was captured by his mind in perfect photographs, every fraction of a second documented in incredible detail and flashing before him every time he tried to close his eyes and get some rest.

The War of the Best felt like yesterday to him.

He could remember the towering figure approaching him while he could barely react, the searing heat emitting from Akainu drawing closer.

His lips trembled as he thought of the next horrific scene, shaking his head in hopes of throwing those images away.

Diminish them temporarily or destroy them completely. Either worked.

Of course, it was never that easy.

Ace had appeared for him, his constant saviour and took the blow that was meant for him and it seemed like everything played in slow motion for Luffy in those painstaking moments where Akainu's fist plunged into the body of his brother, melting away flesh and evaporating blood to non-existence. 

Every muscle flex contributed to the action was like a stop-motion for him, seeing his brother's expression turn into one of a grimace, clenching his teeth so tight such that he would not even let out a whimper fueled by pain.

His posture had shook for the next few seconds and he staggered back when Akainu withdrew his fist, barely able to hold himself up as he slouched down further while blood slowly trickled out of his mouth and down his already bloodied torso.

Luffy remembered the feeling being powerless as he saw the life force of Ace slowly seep away and he could only sit there, shell-shocked at what had happened while muttering his brother's name. He remembered the gaping hole in his brother's body where he could see Akainu's logia form, how empty it was as his body tried to function without a necessary piece.

How truly  _horrifying_ it was to have to witness it, to have to witness his brother pay for his mistakes.

The fact that Ace had received a death blow from the Marine Vice-Admiral constantly spun in his head, refusing to make sense. 

He tried to move. He tried to understand.

Only when his brother could no longer hold back and spat out blood, his limbs had finally complied and he had rushed forward to his aid.

Looking back, if there was someone more useless than Ace has proclaimed himself to be, it'd be him. He was the stupid and reckless example of a younger brother that could only return the favour half way through.

There was absolutely nothing worse than having to hold your brother's withering frame in your arms to support him as he spoke the last words he could never declare out loud, setting down his pride and allowing his tears to flow for the last time.

There was nothing he could forget. Not the fact that there was a hole that had no flesh for his hands to press onto and the skin around it was a few degrees hotter than the rest, the smell of singed skin that infiltrated his nostrils or Ace's fellable attempt to grip onto him to stay up with his fingers that were slowly losing strength. Not the thunderous heartbeat of his brother that started to slow with every second. Not the hoarse voice that was failing him.

' _I.... Probably wouldn't even have wanted to live... If it weren't for the deal with Sabo and having an unruly little brother like you_.'

His eyes welled up with more tears knowing that he could both compliment and insult him even at his last moments.

' _Oh right.... If you ever see Dadan, then give her my regards. For some reason, now that I know that I'm going to die... Even her name sounds touching to me._ '

At that moment, he could only plead and pray to the Gods he never believed in for some sort of miracle to bring him back, even if a part of him knew that he would be gone, and he would lose both the brothers he had. He wanted so bad to tell him that he would live and desperation almost drove him to believe in such a stupid lie.

His brothers were utterly irreplaceable, for they were the ones that had forged him to keep going and follow his dreams.

' _Please... Pass this on... What I'm about to say. Old Man.... Everyone... And you, Luffy... Even though... I'm so worthless... Even though... I carry the blood of a demon... Thank you... For loving me!_ '

His voice had gotten lower with every syllable as he tried so hard not to cry, trying so hard to properly convey the things he could never say in the midst of his self-loathing of his identity.

And like a broken hourglass, his life force seeped out completely. Like the vivre card that lied on the ground, burning quickly into ash and quickly into nothingness, so did his brother.

His tears had soaked through his shirt and Luffy swore he felt his brother smile before his limbs gave up on him and he fell to the ground, dead.

There were so many things Luffy wished he could have said. He would reply to his words, his solemn vows to the promise that they would live freer than anyone else. Yet, he could do nothing but blank out and cry; his heart feeling like it had been ripped apart piece by piece and into shreds, at the fact that he has lost his brother, his rock, someone who he could never be able to find a replacement for.

And sometimes, that was not the worst of it.

Sometimes, the image of his brother dying would often morph into the faces of his nakama like it was some sick joke and he would picture them dying over and over again in different ways, be it maimed, ran over, impaled and stomped upon. They were often so vivid that it left him close to hyperventilation, for all-consuming fear refused to let go of him and allow him to rest.

There had never been an escape from it and each time it happened, it got worse.

All the manners of death his nakama might go through that his active imagination could offer would strike at him over and over again, never allowing him rest. It had often drove him in a half-crazed state of training, pounding into the nearest object with armament haki. He would try to block out the world with training and some might even mistake him for a demon; his eyes completely blood-shot and his body and hair matted with sweat that sent his entire appearance in disarray.

In his worst moments, not even Rayleigh could stop him. 

The Dark Knight could only helplessly watch at the sidelines as his own pupil obliterated everything in his path out of pure desperation.

Luffy let out a shaky breath as the recollection slowly surfaced up by snippets of memories. The tears streamed endlessly down his face while he staggered to his feet, letting his body sway to the motion of the waves, careful to not trip onto his nakama and wake them up.

 _Peace_.

He needed that right now.

The moment the smell of the salty sea hit as he exited room, he sighed and walked towards the railing and leaned against it, allowing the lull of the sea sooth him. He took in lungful of air to calm his frayed nerves, the briny taste stinging his parched throat. As he repeated the motions, he reminded himself over and over again that it was the past.

There was no threat in sight and the only source of life other than him was in the Crow's Nest where Zoro resided for look out.

He wiped away the tears with the back of his sleeve and forced a wide grin, trying to not to let the memories haunt him more for the night as he trudged towards the kitchen to seek refuge in the food.

Much to his surprise, there was already a plate of meat that was cooked and covered by a wrap on the table, as if Sanji had known about his night habits. The captain chuckled slightly before he muttered 'ittekimasu' before digging into his food.

A few moments later, the door to the kitchen opened once more and Luffy froze for a second, knowing that he might be in trouble because the meat might have been prepared in advance for tomorrow. He let out sigh of relief when he saw that it was just Zoro, who barely glanced at him before heading to the fridge too.

His first mate didn't ask anything but tossed him a bottle of alcohol from the fridge, gesturing for him to indulge in it. Nodding while he caught the bottle, he popped it open and took a massive gulp, allowing the warmth of the drink spread through his body as he savored the taste and texture of the well prepared meat.

If Ace had a caring and yet brash father with awesome crew mates, he didn't fall short.

He had nakama who shared a silent understanding and gratitude towards him and to Luffy.... That was more than enough.

Thinking about how they were well and alive, Monkey D. Luffy smiled.


End file.
